Not Knowing How To Appreciate Somebody Really Hurts

When people who do not know the definition of appreciating you (me), or even think about you (me ) and only approach you (me ) only if they need something done, or anything from you (me), do not worry, what goes around comes around. Let nature take its course.

I always say this, people who are far away are always sweeter than the ones who are near and the ones who are near always get used, get volunteered into things, and expect so much more from, thinking you have time and can do things quickly. Unfortunately that is how it is. People do not realize I have feelings too, and I have so much going on for me too.

I am not complaining about doing things for others, and going out of my way to do so, but there is only so much you can do and then not be appreciated for it is absolutely hurtful.

This past week and for a while now, I have been so hurt beyond repair, my heart is aching so badly, to the point where I think about what happened when I go to bed, when I am sleeping, when I wake up, when I am going about my day, when I babysit, during when I am working, and even during my happy moments where I try to take it out of my mind. It is still there. I cried for many days and I have been so upset, disappointed on how people can be this way to others, especially if they are your own flesh in blood or whoever they are. It absolutely hurts like crazy. I really do not want to discuss what happened, but it hurts emotionally and mentally. It killed any spirit that I have left.

Its not so much about being chosen to be part of something precious and beautiful, it is the principle behind it and something to show gratitude, but unfortunately some people are not gifted with being thoughtful, and being appreciative toward others.

Well, I am not doing it anymore. Not going to allow others take advantage of me and take me for a fool. I really do not have time and energy for it anymore. Time to look after myself and go after what makes me happy, be with those who appreciate, love me for who I am, what I am passionate about and what I love to do with my own time. I have put my foot down. I am so tired of crying and being so hurt. Enough is enough.

My Back Pain Has Been Ruled Out To Be Sciatic Nerve

I went to visit my doctor the other day and I told him that, my lower back pain is unbearable and its an aching pain which is hitting all the way to my toes. He checked it out and he said that I have sciatic nerve and he said my back isn’t fully straight. I started to freak out a lot and I just got scared about it. So my doctor is going to send me to a chiropractor and I am going for massages for my lower back. I am so happy they approved it for me to go have these massages done. It is unbearable. When I stand up or lay flat, nothing happens and It is good and I don’t feel pain, but as soon as I sit down, The pain just rushes down to my toes and sometimes Its so painful that I end up sleeping it off. After 10-15 minutes of sitting, the pain starts again. The pain is hitting my abdomen pelvic area. I do have UTI (urinary tract infection), but I am going for an ultrasound and Cat Scan to see what is going on and to further it. I just need to get to the bottom of all this. I can’t do much when I have this pain and its terrible. I want to be able to not feel pain anymore. Its a chronic pain that keeps coming back. my thighs, my feet, my toes. all hurt as a result for lower back. I need to relax today and lay flat… I will see with what happens from here.