In the last little while, I have been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on life and just doing a complete 360 degrees of who and what matters in my life.
In my life I have been left out a lot, used, bullied, hurt and felt like I’ve been put to the side when I’m not needed. This goes back to when I was a kid. I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed lately. So many emotions. I’ve been battling anxiety at times.
It’s been so hard to keep my smile going, and being positive, thinking happy thoughts and being in my happy places, and doing what I love. I’m at a breaking point where I feel like I have been fighting so hard to keep my feelings bottled up inside of me.
Sometimes in my mind, I think of being left out as a kid to my teenage life and into my adult life. I’ve been treated like an outsider like I don’t matter. I felt like I didn’t fit in because I am different, my thought process and my way of life. I feel in my mind that people say really bad things about me behind my back. I just know it and feel it in my gut instinct.
The problem is that when you have a soft heart, with good intentions, being thoughtful, always there for everyone and to go above and beyond, I feel like we are the ones who get trampled on and we get to be the ones where people find the opportunity to use and to walk all over.
Nowadays, you need to think with your mind and not the heart, and nowadays you need to stand up for yourself in this tough world.
Gut instincts are not wrong. I am very observant and they do not know that, but my eyes and ears are wide open and I see everything.
I’m a very sentimental person who loves, cares, appreciates and is grateful for everyone in my life.
I’m just thinking if people equally love, cares, appreciates and is grateful to have me in their life, if I matter to them, if they ever think of me or check up on me to see how I am. I feel like 99% of the time I have to chase people to check up on them.
There is just so much I still need to say. I’ll leave that for another day. I’m just hoping that nobody has to go through what I went and I’m still going through. It’s the worst. If you can relate to me, let’s talk.