If You Are A True Friend To Me, Then Prove To Me, You Are.

There is something I have been dealing with the last few days pertaining my blog and my fanpage on facebook made by one of my good friends. Thank you for that, but there is this issue of people who claim to be my true friends and people who really love me, but have yet to join my facebook fanpage “A Writer Named Talin Orfali”. I am not trying to force them to join, but if someone claims to be a true friend and person who appreciates me and supports me through everything, then they would join my fanpage and they would share it on their walls. I am not saying that they have to, but it would be nice to see that my friends give a care about me, by liking my fanpage and among everything else. What I do not find fair is when people ask me to promote things for them and when they ask me to promote events, and pages and everything, I do it right away or a couple of hours later, and then when I ask people the simple favour of joining my fanpage and promoting my stuff, it does not. It is either they are with me fully or not with me at all. you know what I am trying to say? I am just trying to make sense of all of this. Well, I am not going to do it anymore. You know all this promotion of events and everything, I at least should get discounted or get in free to the events. I spend so much time for all that. At least respect me back and do something small for me. Doing something small is a great deal for someone else who appreciates it. I am not going to let people walk all over me and use me as their promotions person and then when I ask of something in return, it does not get done, or I have to wait for a long time.

I am so done with people who are so fake to me, and who just toss me to the side after being used. I will not be doing it anymore.If they claim to be my friends they have to be my friend fully. I do not accept part time people in my life.



35 thoughts on “If You Are A True Friend To Me, Then Prove To Me, You Are.

  1. This is exactly why I don’t like “Fake Book.” — Good for you for standing up for yourself and weeding out the people who aren’t friends. You’ll feel so much better and happier without them 🙂

  2. Good evening Talin! I often (not always) try to read your posts and this one happened to come through as I was doing some email maintenance! I can relate to what you’re saying but, you can’t think for the other person. You had been doing it because of your sincere interest in that person’s event or promotion. Not everyone is on the same page as we are. I often say that one of the biggest mistakes people can make is assuming that everyone thinks as they think! Even a criminal, convicted of the worst offense possible will try to justify his/her actions…you simply didn’t fully understand all the facts…of COURSE I had to kill EVERYONE in the house! Ya know?!? My suggestion – don’t allow the actions of other people to change who YOU are! BE supportive, help others advance their causes but, be more selective of those that you keep around you. When you allow your own goodness to attract others like you, they WILL do what you do. Just as if You don’t promote anyone, you’ll be surrounded by people who won’t promote you either.

    Stay sweet and continue to be the blessing to those around you!

    Ciao for now…Michael

  3. I have had this discussion with a couple of my friends about why so few of my fb firends have actually joined my like page on fb and there were a couple of different suggestions, one they are my friends they are on my fb page and do not see the need to clutter up their feeds with extra posts which I do understand in someways I have decided to compensate this by actually posting exclusive content to the like page which does not feature on either my real fb or my blog, the second is a little harder to take but again I do get it I have a like page set up as an author but as yet I am unpublished therefore they cannot judge whether they like my work as an author, they like me as a person and have me as a friend when I am pulished they have the right to judge whether they like me as an author based on my work, That does not excuse the people who have requested you promote things for them then treat you with less than the respect you deserve. I speak onnly from my own point of view when i say I do not want them to like me just because we are friends I am mmore than happy to wait to prove myself worthy of that like button

  4. Talin,
    I wish you all the best and consider you a friend. However, do consider that some of us don’t care for Facebook and don’t use it. My reasons for not using it are privacy related – FB collects too much personal information for my taste. I like blogs and emails. Of course face to face is best.

  5. Honestly, you need to relax. I have never seen promote an event so why are you claiming that you help people. Who flood facebook with your blog, and I’m pretty sure everyone is sick of it

  6. It’s a tough one. Facebook is fantastic for promoting blogs, I use it myself, but I wouldn’t consider it a requirement of friendship. Be grateful that you have people reading your blog, and thankful that you’re able to reach the people that you do. No matter how they choose to interact with your blog.

  7. I completely understand and can relate also, Talin, and it’s good you stand up for how you believe…I have few close friends who support me on my blog and facebook page…it’s funny how that works. Many close friends tell me that they’ll check out my blog, but they never do. I’m used to it now and they are close to me, so I don’t hold that against them, but it baffles me, all the same. I would do it for a friend of mine. I would be interested in what they’re doing; what their passion is…but, we all think differently and can’t dwell on these things or we’ll all be loony! Just go with your heart and you’ll be fine and happy! Hugs!

  8. your friends can love with out being interested in your blog etc. i’m also getting used to the fact that after having asked200 people to share a link to my new business, only 4 have. it’s disappointing, but they are no less friends for doing so. you have to shelve your ego on line. it’s the strangers who make the experience worthwhile.

  9. Talin,
    I am beginning to enjoy reading more and more these days. Your blog has become a part of that enjoyment. To move things along, let me just say that I have had problems with this issue in the past as well. You see, I am a very loyal person. I try to be a “true blue” friend, and vow to always be there for people as much as possible (sometimes causing injury to myself). What I have learned over the past 17 months is that: 1. I cannot control other people’s actions; 2. I am only in control of the decisions that I make; and 3. I can’t cheapen my expression of giving because someone doesn’t respond the way I want them to.

    Due to no fault of their own, people don’t know how to respond to a good friend, and may not know how to be a good one either. I used to get so upset because people didn’t respond to my friendship the way I wanted them to. I’ve thought, “Don’t they recognize a great friend when they see one? I’d do the same for them! What’s gives?” I think this was the wrong approach to things. Yes, I would like all 1,397 of my FB friends to read my blog, but that may not be very realistic. But would I like them to? Sure. Some of my close friends still haven’t read any of my posts to this day. I’m not really ticked off about it. Maybe they have more important things going on right now that require immediate attention. Being a friend, I must give them the benefit of the doubt. I feel that those who are supposed to read it will, and those who don’t: won’t. Besides, I don’t want them to feel “a certain kinda way” because I put an unusual strain on our friendship (however miniscule) by mandating that they read my blog.

    It’s safe to say that you supported your friends in any way that you could because of your genuine love to help out your friends. I don’t think you did it with a hidden agenda of helping them because one day you would need their support in return. In other words, your motives were pure, so you must let them stand on their own as just that: pure. Sometimes, people only recognize that something’s missing when it’s no longer there (like a good friend). Don’t be disheartened by any of this.

    Now, your friends are not being supportive like you hoped they would. Now what? It’s unfortunate, but all hope is not lost. You’re still a great friend and the supportive things you’ve done to others will come back to you. I definitely believe in karma and we’ll get what we put out. It’s better that you find these things out now, on the front-end. I’ve heard this before: When people show you who they are the first time: Believe Them.

    Hey, this is just my dollar bill, in pennies.

    Love & Peace,

  10. Tal, I haven’t spoken a word against you, but this is taking it a little too far. As someone mentioned earlier, albeit rather rudely, your blog promotions take over facebook and are on pages they should never appear on. I appreciate you having my blog on your list and am honoured you enjoy reading what I post. However, as much as I want a large amount of viewers, I don’t want to annoy those who already read my stuff with constant ads. If some1 retweets me or shares a post, I’m ecstatic. Yet, I don’t go around promoting my own page. I promote jobs and competitions, events and other people’s blogs through reblogs on a constant basis. I don’t expect anything in return. I have been praised on the work that I do time and again and yet half those praisers have not liked by blog’s fb page. Does that bother me? Hell no! LOL… It’s enough that people from 106 different countries have viewed my blog. It’s enough that people enjoy it greatly, but often read the blurbs put on facebook only. I don’t call anyone a fake friend for not parading my stuff around or even for simply being a silent supporter. I find this post offensive, and because I mean you no harm, I will point it out. It’s beyond annoying to see the same thing pasted on 30 different pages, ones which have absolutely nothing to do with you or blogging, ones that aren’t even in English half the time. Parkavaj Hayasdan’s FB page? Really? I think that one was crossing the line for me. I put up a particular blog link where I think people might enjoy it or find relevant. However, I don’t inundate the whole of fb with copy/pastes of my blog. This reply may make you angry, but the post ticked a nerve in me. Do good things for others without expecting anything in return. That’s the point of philanthropy 😉

  11. Don’t worry what other people say, if they get upset or not, obviously it does to some people, you are doing right THERE IS ALSO SAYING …ONE HAND WASHES THE OTHER…has nothing to do with asking others, they should realize that, I told you long time ago don’t promote any one, plain and simple, whoever asks they should return the favor, sorry Tamar I PARTLY disagree with you…AS I SAID ONE HAND WASHES THE OTHER IN THIS TYPE OF THING, a little favor takes you far and also shows the respect they have GO talin, forget others, your blogs will travel far… yes many countries read your blogs and i know that the friendship counts. smileeeeeeeee life is too short. no one should get upset.

  12. Hi again Talin
    I think that you’re getting just a tad bit over-wound up on this one…. especially as you are such a positive lady. I think that Facebook & Twitter are both minefields and you have to careful where you tred.
    I note that over 13 thousand people follow this blog. That’s a lot of people Talin. You’ve had 123,000 hits since March 2011.
    My blog has been going a year longer, since March 2010 … I have 25 followers … just 25 … and some of those are family … but I am glad of these. They are important to me. Numbers are just that Talin … numbers.
    Friends (real friends) will stick with you through thck and thin … and they won’t always agree with you. I’m sure you know all this already.
    Any idiot can click on Facebook and say they’re your friend.

  13. You are the strong and caring individual and believe differently then your friends. That’s what makes everyone unique. Keep posting and we’ll all keep reading. For those that don’t read, it’s their loss. Don’t get lost in statistics and a “tit-for-tat”. Don’t set expectations of others. Just be yourself, set healthy boundaries, and continue doing what you enjoy most. Don’t let anyone rain on your parade! We’re loving all you do, even those of us who are not on Facebook (because of privacy reasons).

  14. I’m going to have to agree with Chris White and Tamar Najarian here.
    Facebook doesn’t run every person’s life. Nobody owes you a “like”. Most people have too much going on in their own lives for them to consider it a condition of friendship.
    Online “friends” aren’t usually real friends, and clicking a button doesn’t prove anything.
    You might want to consider occasionally responding to comments or commenting on other people’s blogs, instead of expecting us all to come to you.

  15. True generosity is giving because you want to—with no expectations in return.

    You are a caring, giving person, Talin, but demands cannot be placed on friendship. Others must come to you because that is what they want.

    Wishing you all the best. Blessings – Maxi

  16. I’m Reply to Maxi’s comment above — such a simple, enlightened perspective, I actually embrace those words as I was expecting too much from a couple family members and trying to force them to be close to me. “Generosity is giving because you want to…….with no expectations in return.” These words have blessed me today, thank you! This day starts FRESH!

  17. Talin, from months of reading, It didn’t take me long to come to the conclusion that you don’t truly know how to BE a friend, yourself. You seem to have gone around the blogosphere ‘liking’ a post of mine, a post of my friends, and they go and ‘like’ yours in return, and then you never have anything to do with them in again. I have asked you questions, asked you to reply, many many times. Never have I seen you reply to your commenters – you don’t get a lot of them, it takes only a minute to do and is sheer politeness. You often rant about how people let you down, and yet you don’t actually seem to give anything. You talk about how you want to achieve various things but they are always for YOU rather than others. You wanted to promote bullying for example, so YOU could get on tv and meet YOUR idols of Oprah or Ellen who whoever. What is you getting on TV to be famous going to do for that cause? Everything I’ve seen you write has been ‘you you you you you.’ You want to be famous. You want to be on TV. You want to be a bestselling author. You want to be awarded the trophies at your church for volunteering. You want people to like your facebook and endlessly promote you. It’s all about you, but you aren’t prepared to give anything back unless it’s calculated to gain you something. That’s pretty shallow and disappointing, very unChristian, and narcissistic. I expected more from you and I’m sure you have more than this in you.

    • I think it’s safe to say that we ALL wish to have our voices heard but – like you, Fiona – I don’t understand this overwhelming urge to have thousands of followers or be famous or get on TV. What would the point of all of that be, when anyone can self-publish and sell books these days, or people can simply type a search word into Google and find a relevant blog?

      I always endeavour to respond to comments, even if I’m in a bad headspace (epilepsy/autism). f I can’t respond because I’m too sick, I apologise and explain the next time I blog. I don’t think there is ever an excuse to ignore input from my followers – especially since I’m blogging publically and – therefore – asking for and hoping for that interaction. I have no right to expect – much less demand – such interaction if I am unwilling to reciprocate.

      I don’t need to be on TV to get my main goals accomplished. Thanks to Facebook and Twitter I am in contact with relevant charities who choose to follow my blog and retweet what I write if it’s relevant to them. I’ve even had a few celebrities spread the message at my request. Please note that I say “at my request”; I do not expect a famous singer who must recieve thousands of Tweets an hour to single me out specifically. Why should they?

      I am not intending to have a go at you or put you down, Talin – we all have our dreams and to attempt to smash yours would be unbelievably cruel of me. All I’m saying is that it’s not about “likes” on a Facebook page (I only have 35 on mine and I’m happy with that because I can’t afford to create an ad – I’m certainly not going to pay for the dubious honour of having epilepsy and autism and having a way with words so that I can teach people about these conditions). It’s not about the number of followers on a blog either; it’s all about interacting with those followers, networking and asking the right people for a retweet.

      I was going to comment on your more recent blog post, but what I had to say didn’t belong there. To kill two birds with one stone, as it were, I’d like to finish up with what I wanted to say on your new post: Yes, you made a mistake and went a step too far with this one, but it takes guts to own your mistakes and admit to them. Good on you 🙂

  18. The day that people’s true friendship has anything to do with their relationship to each other on facebook or the computer in general…that is a sign that something has gone terribly, terribly wrong. Love is inside you, with pumping blood and true joy and connection. I can give someone a thousand “likes” and “comments” and “reblogs” and yet, if they tell me about their day and I pay more attention to my fingernails in that moment, what does it really amount to? Don’t fall into the trap of believing that this internet world somehow dictates who you are and who loves you. You can type the word love in a millisecond, someone could type the word “love” while squashing a puppy and swearing at their child. Never forget what real life is.

  19. I totally know what you mean-I created a page for my animal photography BUSINESS to get the word out and only my close family has responded. None of my facebook friends have been at all supportive. It is irritating because all they have to do is click one button.

  20. Talin, I do not want to hurt your feelings, and I say this as gently as I can, but there is a difference between self-promotion and genuinely caring about other people. One leads to short-term success. The other leads to life itself.




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