Don’t Make Promises You Cannot Keep

Lately, I have had a strain of bad luck when someone promises me something and they don’t follow through with them. It is very sad to see this happening quite more often now. Promises should be kept and if you cannot fulfill a promise, either explain why you cannot follow through them or give someone a valid reason. It is not a good trait to develop at all. This past weekend, I will not name any names, but when I was visiting Montreal after 7 Months of not being there, I had received numerous text messages from people who I thought were my dear friends that told me straight up, that they will come and see me and hang out with me for a while, someone said, we wouldn’t miss it for the world, we cannot wait to see you an hour or two prior to our meeting time, and the time came, and I got stood up by those people and they would not even text me back and have the common courtesy to explain to me why they didn’t show up and they never even budged to come and see me after so long. They knew way in advanced that I was coming about 3-4 weeks before, then I reminded them a few days before and all I would hear is, we cannot wait to see you, Anyway, I even texted them and to see where they are and nothing came about. These acts really show peoples true colours. People who do that are not true friends, and people who don’t give time for you even if it was for 2 hours are not real friends. I know that people get busy and I know life is really different now with people having priorities and stuff, but you cant make promises you cannot keep nonetheless. Peoples emotions and peoples feelings are not a joke, you cannot just go about ruining a persons mood with breaking promises and not even apologizing for them.

This is my 2nd day back and I have yet to hear from them and to hear their apology. It is not right at all to go through this. I am just tired of people not appreciating me, and leaving me out in things. It really got to me and given with so much sadness and the battles I have had to face with people bullying me, tormenting me, and emotionally abusing me in school when I was growing up, really does a number on me and these things like breaking promises to me and not showing up to see me really hit me hard and I just cried so much inside and I didn’t want to show it to my 3 friends who came and saw me Sunday Morning in Montreal and I am ever so grateful they came out and saw me. I cannot believe some people have the audacity to do these things, in general I hope people never have to go through these problems, I hope people will never have to endure this. It really did an emotional scar on me. We were driving back on the Highway 401 west and I was going through so much in my brain, and I did not want to share it with anyone in the car with me, so I just kept it in and I know that I wrote in one of my blogs not to keep anything bottled up inside, but this time I don’t know I just couldn’t speak up, because I was just too hurt to even speak that much and I will never forget that. I just don’t want anymore part time people in my life, it is either your with me full time and to appreciate me, or your out of my life. I am just so tired of peoples broken promises. When is it going to stop?

36 thoughts on “Don’t Make Promises You Cannot Keep

  1. camiwhine says:

    I completely agree and empathize as this happens far too often, with me and from what I have learnt everyone else too. It’s sad because at times it can leave you feeling like you have small numbers to rely on! As long as you can stay true to your own word I think it’s something that you can get past 🙂

    Cam

  2. Carmen says:

    You soon realize who your closest and most honest friends are. Those who could genuinely not make it would be in touch right? Yo u have to let it go and find Happiness within. You have good friends to support you through your endeavors too! Those who do not show an honest front are better left at a distance. You don’t need the negative vibes. Tears are not even worth it.

  3. Nina says:

    Well it doesn’t stop and may not get better. This happens to me quite often. You might not get your answers from them either. Don’t wait. The bottom line is you can not rely on ppl and you can not let people’s actions control your feelings or emotions… Just let it go. All you can control is how you feel about it. And I hope you feel better soon, not worth being up set over it. You just need to find the people who do appreciate you and be there for them! Best wishes 🙂 just remember to keep smiling.

  4. Chinaz Love says:

    In times like these I often refer to the words of Tyler Perry’s character, Media. “When people show you who they are, believe them!” Life often gets in the way of the best intentions. Surely their attitude has nothing to do with you or who you are! Often times we become caught up in our own problems, our own world and our own issues, forgetting that our actions hurt other people. When the sun rises we have a chance to try it again. Because of your experienced you are probably more sensitive to the feelings of others,which makes you a special person. Because we have read this, we’ll probably consider the feelings your shared in the future. Thanks for sharing! Be Encouraged!

  5. hilllloon says:

    I know that sometimes things come up and it is hard to keep a promise, but today people just make them without thinking. I wish they, especially family and friends would think it through before they promise something. I sometimes wonder if they realize the pain they cause when they don’t keep that promise.

  6. mcolmo says:

    I’ve been on that boat and I know what it feels. It sucks.
    People should stand up to the promises they make. If it makes you feel any better, I was also bullied in high school. I was very surprised when one day I got a friend request, on facebook, from one the major bullies, and so I accepted him. Unbelievably, he wrote a long message asking me to forgive him for all the times he had mocked and bullied me at school. I accepted the apology. So, I guess some people can change if they want to. 🙂

  7. Eileen黃愛玲 says:

    I had this happen quite a few times. The most uncomfortable promises I get are from grown women who insist on being my mom; telling me that they want to do daughter/mother things with me. Of course, it never happens. After all, they just want to play “house.” Just because I grew up without a mom, it doesn’t mean I expect you to take her place. (shakes head)

    I had my brother’s girlfriend call me to ask me about my bra size, sho size, and such because she is going to give me a birthday gift. It never happened, which I don’t mind. The thing is, I never expected anything in the first place…wo why bring it up?

    I am sorry this sort of bs happened. I still hope you had a great time in Montreal. 🙂

  8. Jasmine says:

    I wholeheartedly agree with you. I have met too many people who break promises like that – especially ones who believe in the friendship ladder, where only the top 3 get royal treatments and everyone else below gets treated like garbage. The most recent “friend” stood me up four times last year. Each time, she would say she wanted to hang out, and we’d agree on a day to meetup, but when time came, she would say, “Oh I’m sorry, I won’t be home for the day and we never set up a time so I didn’t know we were hanging out.” or she had some other BS excuse. But after she noticed my baking project take off and I was getting good reviews from everyone, she cleared her schedule when she wanted me to help her on a baking project. Go figure.

    For people like these, you just need to learn to get over it. Don’t take these people too seriously, don’t get too close to them, and stop wasting your time and emotions on them. A friend once told me, “To find the good people, you need to weed out the dicks first.” 😉

  9. Lottie Nevin says:

    Dear Talin, I want to give you a hug.

    I’m so sorry that happened to you but you are not alone. It happens to all of us at times and it totally sucks. Don’t waste your energies on these people that break promises – they are toxic and you dont need/deserve them in your life. spend the energy instead on focusing on the positives of which you have many. Look how many people follow and comment on your blog for example? That’s a huge thing – I’d be proud as can be if I were you! You are a shining star. Cut the dead wood folk out of your life and spend that time you’ve saved being wasted on them, with the people that really love and appreciate you X

  10. Chicago-Style Girl says:

    I hate unfulfilled promises. It’s no better than utter dishonesty. Hell, it is dishonesty. Saying you’ll be there and not showing is dishonesty. It’s one of the worst traits a person can possess as far as I’m concerned. I hope these friends of yours start acting like real friends real soon.

  11. xxxxxxxx says:

    Talin you should know by now who your friends are, you don’t have to go far to look for them, live and learn but never keep in heart, be happy and never keep inside. they should have had the decency to call you and apologize, you can always forgive a valid reason. think this way one doesn’t need many friends to be happy few true friends are far better than many. Let this be a lesson learned. stay with people who love you as a friend and smile you are among friends 🙂

  12. scroungelady says:

    Talin, I can understand your feeling hurt by people not keeping promises. Unfortunately it is all too common these days to make commitments without following up on them. Perhaps some people feel texing is enough. To me there is no substitute for face to face contact. All the email, texting, and cell phone use have driven us farther apart instead of truly connecting people.

  13. spiritualhypster says:

    Common decency is no longer, we can no longer expect people to do what is the right thing. It is mostly because they won’t face life square in the face. Honor, Integrity and responsibility are lost to most. Great post. Perhaps new friends are in order.

  14. Kimberly says:

    I wandered over to your blog on a recommendation from my fellow blogger erikagardner.com. What a wonderfully expressive style you have! I’m sorry you went through such a lousy experience. Real friends are rare. You have to thank the ones that didn’t show up, though – they made it clear that you don’t need to spend any more effort on them. Move on to better people.

  15. purerlife says:

    I found in my final years of working for a company that more and more people would just not turn up to meetings, they wouldn’t bother cancelling or even apologise, often they would just say, that they were busy, so couldn’t come, but this was when I phoned to see where they were!

    I have friend who runs a Meet up group and they have a real problem with people not turning up or telling them they aren’t coming as well.

    This has played through to my clinic where I get about 10% no shows, people who book then just never show up, this is despite phoning or emailing to get a confirmation. I’m no longer really sure what is driving this behaviour in people in all honesty, because it does just seem to be that people don’t feel any level of responsibility in regards to actually attending something they have agreed to attend, whether you are a friend, organiser or someone they have booked to see!

  16. Rivenrod says:

    Ok. Just stop right now! No more weaseling on about being stood up and why oh why can’t people treat me properly. I’m so insignificant. No, stop! Stop it! (Lesson 1) I know what you’re thinking and you’re right I am having a go at you. I’ve never met you and to be honest if you caught flu it wouldn’t affect me in the slightest. But, from the little I’ve seen of your character, your ideas and thoughts you are a worthwhile person. Someone worth knowing and caring about. So shut up with the bleating!

    You are worth your space on this earth and you have interesting things to say so now (lesson 2) take hold of their leads and give each one a good yank. Like you do a dog when you want it to do what you want rather than the other way around. But, it must be a clever yank. Send a text or an email (no voice contact at all from you), very short saying how sad you were to miss them and invite whoever to call you (for example) “anytime in the evening next week”, love, over and out Sayonara, nothing more. If you receive a call, take it from there. If not do not send another message but get on with your life and make a note to yourself to test your friendships deeper and better next time around.

    Go on, be a Dragon!

    Peace and love,

    RR

  17. bibuji says:

    Your suggestion was hard for me to read, because I’m such coward person to make promise easily and often break…”Coward” I mean, because I don’t have courage to be candor to say “Sorry, I cannot” and often tell “ah..yes, maybe” and then “sorry, I could not.” I have to fix my bad habit. Thanks for your post.

  18. BecauseMamaSaidSo says:

    I feel like you just wrote a post for me. I can relate in so many ways. For me, the silence speaks so much louder than the words ever could.

  19. myfamilymylife says:

    OMG Talin, I agree with you on this. It drives me insane when people make a promise and break it without any care at all. I know someone that does this all the time and when they are called out on it, they just shrug their shoulders as if to say “so what”.

    You seem like a person with a very good heart and I know that’s why things like this get to you so much (I’m the same way). So in response to what happened to you in Montreal, could it possibly be God’s way of letting you know who’s truly got your back? And those who don’t…you don’t need. Let it be and don’t worry about it.

  20. cindy says:

    what makes you any more important than everyone else. what if they couldnt make it because of something more important than a friend they see once or twice a year. you should wake up and see how you treat everyone else. boo hooo you were bullied when you were younger! so was 50% of the population. grow up and stop blogging about pointless garbage. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY HUMAN WHO GETS TREATED WRONGLY. eshh

  21. ylbnoel says:

    hey Talin, i’m not going to be one of those people who’ll say forget it, bad things happen, etc. I’ll be more personal. 🙂 I have experienced your story on both sides of the fence. I have been stood up after being told that I was very welcome to visit, even to stay a few days at a friend’s home. And like you, I saw no one at the appointed meeting place and wandered around for hours before admitting that, yes, I wasn’t that important. On the other hand, I have promised and promised people that I would meet them if ever they would pass by my neck of the woods and then I would realize that I had too much to do when the time came to “honor” my obligation to at least meet them. I admit I let one or two persons down when I was so warm and excited to see them online. So in short, while ideally we’d rather not want your experience to happen, they are part of reality, human nature both promises unrealistic things and worse, we usually set ourselves up to be disappointed later. I am glad you shared your little story with us because, speaking for myself, I see my personal experiences in yours. You didn’t have to show your vulnerable side, but you did. Thanks again!

  22. cashandcarried says:

    Wow…there are more out there like me!? Everybody loves social media…but when it comes down to actually being social its like some big leap into reality that they aren’t ready to divulge into. I always make an effort and understand that it can’t always happen, but a quick text back never killed anyone!

  23. Belle Reveur says:

    I needed to read this. It’s heartbreaking when you have your hopes up to spend time with someone and they don’t make time for you. Even more so when you’re traveling long distance for the opportunity to spend time with them. It’s sad how self-interested most people are.

  24. M Noivad says:

    Just got a chance to read this T, that sucks, if I plan on being somewhere but can’t make it, I send a message as soon as I know. Also, if I promise something, I make sure I can deliver it before promising it. My lack of making promises and being able to guaranty certain things would happen as desired drove my previous employers crazy at first, but then eventually they realized that my “90%” or more estimates, were better than most people’s promises and equaled “100%, unless something unforeseeable happens.”
    Anyway, I learned long ago not to make promises one cannot keep, and it works much better than hollow words to look good temporarily.

  25. Rabab Maher (^_^) رباب ماهر says:

    Regrettably, this is the world we live in today: Empty promises, meaningless words and the lack of courteousness (-_-).

  26. russtowne says:

    I’m sorry that you felt pain as the result of the thoughtlessness of others.

    I’ve felt similarly at various times in my life but learned along the way that my expectations were the cause of most of my disappointment and sufferring. Since I can’t control the actions or thoughts of others, I chose to focus on controlling the thoughts and actions over which I had a LOT of control: My own.

    Some people are reliable and some people aren’t. Sadly, that is unlikely to change. So I started choosing to focus my time and energy on the reliable people, and becoming more reliable myself.
    I found that the more reliable I became the more people who are reliable wanted me in their lives.

    May your life experiences lead you to ever greater inner peace.

    Russ

  27. Teba says:

    this is the 3rd time am google this “why do people promise me and never fulfill” until i just landed on this blog. I have had a number of disappointments as a result of false promises and a couple of 3 days ago wanted to borrow $300 from a friend who is more loaded, talked him through my plight and he felt so touched, he told me to call him on Friday (today) he would give me $250 to repay in installments in a period of 5 months. But on calling him today, he was like let me get to you back, until now am googling to find out whats really wrong with me, i disclosed my inner feeling and am so ashamed. People i consider more friends have really disappointed me. Thanks for this nice blog and all your great advices.

  28. Kath says:

    Oh my goodness, that is so awful of those so called friends. Yes it is hurtful, but I think we all go through it to some degree. Hope your feeling better over it, but I know its something you don’t forget. I’ve had friends say they will just simply catch up, a simple thing to do really, but hey, it never happens. I always have to initiate and even then, it doesn’t happen, down to their choices. We can’t make friends meet you, we try to be there for them, but often they take it for granted. It hurts when they say they will meet you, but they don’t. I’ve been there lots with friends like that, these friends can’t be true friends. I don’t know what the answer is, as I don’t want to feel lonely, hopefully one day they will see it, but we may have a long time waiting. Best just to get on with your life, work, family etc…….funny though, how these friends have time to go on social media but don’t have time to see us face to face.

  29. June says:

    I feel your hurt. I have also been hurt in the same way so much so that now I am very reluctant to even contact anyone to arrange anything. No-one ever contacts me to do anything either do I now have no friends. Not that they were friends in the first place as I was the one keeping it all going. I was once told I expected too much from people. So thinking people should honour their word is expecting too much? Wow seriously something wrong with me then, I give up

    • jammy jay says:

      Its ridiculous with friends these days, they can’t be true friends. No one seems bothered anymore to make arrangements and stick to it, yet they are at home hiding behind a computer screen. What’s going to happen in the future?? Some create their own drama on social media and that’s that. Think our society will end up with lots of lonely people who have tried to get to meet others, but these people don’t seem to put in any effort to see them, how sad is that!!!! 😦

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s