Lately, I have been feeling really used by people and its not a pleasant thing to go through. I have been through so much in my life like people bullying me, and keeping me left out of things in peoples lives and all that was a thing of the past, but now I am dealing with another dilemma, and that is people using me. I am only approached to if people need something, then the rest of the time, they act like they do not even know you, and say who is she? It is really a terrible feeling and I hope nobody else has to go through those problems. I myself have been there so many times where people wouldn’t give you the time of day, but conveniently they are there when you are needed.
I must learn to put my foot down, my good nature and soft heartedness, I am always end up doing it for them. Now that Facebook, Twitter, Youtube is out many people ask me to advertise they’re links and I do it, but there is a limit. There is this quote which I really love but do not know who the writer is, but it says: “Never make people a priority, when you are just an option to them”. I should take that advice and words of wisdom and put to good use. I should say no once in a while, it won’t hurt me. I will just find out who my true friends are by just doing so. I know there are still great people in this world, but very rare to find these days and very rare to find people whom do not use others.
Now days, whenever I see pictures of people having fun with each other on facebook, they are at a party, then I have to find out after the fact of that gathering or something and it is extremely hurtful to me and feeling excluded from things is not something that I feel good about. I cannot even begin to think how many times I have cried myself to sleep, thinking I am just a book that is read and put back on the shelf and not needed anymore, or those clothes that have been worn and put back in the closet to never be worn again. Its terrifying to feel this way and its not a great feeling at all. All the times I have been bullied, and put to the side when I was a kid, comes back to haunt me and no matter how much we try to forget it, it always there. It just doesn’t make sense to me and I am still trying to figure it out.
I want to have fun in my life, I want to put all those bad feelings and put them in the past and start fresh, but its not happening for me and sometimes all I want to do is just have some fun, and be invited to gatherings, be invited and have great conversations with people whom I know, not just one or two word conversations then I get put to the side and I am not noticed all night and I am just there by myself where nobody would talk to me for long periods of time. Its crazy. I do have friends now and everything and I am greatful to that and I have people whom I go out with Friday nights and stuff, but I am just so tired of being used then put out to the curb on Garbage day because that is how I feel at times and its just so ridiculous. I do not get why people have to act this way to other people. Its not a great feeling at all and I know all of this first hand. I hope nobody else has to go through this.