Building A Sense Of Individuality Can Be A Battle in Decision Making

In life I am sure a lot of us have encountered people who always have a problem or an issue with how one individual gets things done, or how they think and feel, and there will always be people who will try to please everyone by always listening to everybody else, and not thinking about what that person really likes. For example, when someone or some people start planning a party, wedding, engagement party, special occasion gathering or just some simple gathering, and you start planning the venue, the colours, theme, music, food, decorations, and all that other stuff, and when it is time for people who are invited that come to the party and after doing your best to make sure people have a great time, there will be people who will always criticize you, and you hear it from other people who you should have done the decorations in another way, more better music, better theme of the party, but you know what, you have to stand up for what you created, the many hours and days and months it took for preparations, for the time you put into it, and having to hear from someone who it wasn’t up to par and being penalized for doing it that way, why didn’t you do this instead? Don’t you just hate that? There will be people who will say, thank you, had a fabulous time, everything was great, and some people will not even compliment the night or whenever the parties are held.

In this world the only impossible thing to achieve is to please everybody, you cannot, and it will never happen where people see eye to eye on things, people will always find something to say, people will always find a way to rain on someone else parade. It is unfortunate how that happens and it can be difficult to build a sense of individuality can be such a battle because a lot of us want approval and a lot of us wait for others to be impressed with you, but you know what, in the end we are all individuals and if we don’t build ourselves some sort of individuality, then everybody will end up being the same person and there is nothing new in the world to see, everyone will end up with the same kind of personality and there won’t be room for growth and a sense of independence.

I always believe that to be yourself, and to do things that you are capable of doing, if you want to have a party and do some event and if you want it to be a certain way, a certain theme, go for it. Nobody has the right to criticize and put any blame or point fingers on how its done and everything. You went out of your way to have this party or gathering to make it a great time and for people to come together and enjoy with each other is what counts right? Some people are so detail oriented and they always have to pinpoint what is wrong and what is right. It shouldn’t be like that. Yes although being detail oriented is good, but there is a limit to everything.

In this life and in my life, I have learned not to let others walk all over me, and tell me what to do with everything. I make my own decisions, and yes I do listen to advice and I do listen to people who give energy to me about something and what and how I should be doing something, but in the end if someone keeps on making decisions for you, then it will be a battle to build a sense of individuality. it is good sometimes to receive advice if you did something wrong or you approached something in a wrong way, or if you did some mistake or whatever, but people should not be on your case and put you on the spot all the time. you know what I mean right? Well, have you been in this situation before? Have you ever been through these problems where people always make a snide comment or tell you in a way not to offend you? What did you feel about how others criticize you?

I’d love to hear from you.

10 thoughts on “Building A Sense Of Individuality Can Be A Battle in Decision Making

  1. My mom does this to me all the time! When I got beer for a party she said, “there will be beer drinkers there?” Even though we had a ton of wine, which is acceptable to drink I guess. When she stays with me, I often walk into rooms and notice that my things, or furniture, have been rearranged. At my wedding, my husband’s cousin was complaining to everyone that she didn’t get cake (I have no idea why she was the only one who didn’t get cake). My dad recently criticized me for paying two teenaged boys too much to shovel my driveway and sidewalk when it snowed. My sister criticizes me on the food I eat, and the way I exercise. My family actually criticizes me a lot, and what has happened is that I’m honestly fearful to make a decision on my own any more! Something I’m working on, because I realize it now (the snow shoveling incident really opened my eyes), but it’s hard to get past. I try to do things my way, but after a lifetime of criticism, it’s hard! But you’re right, we can’t please everyone, and that’s something I have to realize.

  2. I embrace criticism from the people I am closest to because I need more eyes than my own to help figure things out and because I appreciate people who are willing to risk our friendship for the sake of the friend. A wealth of trust between us makes for an environment of honesty, built on cultivating healthy relationship boundaries over time-to be of a “giving to each other” nature, not authoritarian, predatory or parasitic lines. I like being around people I don’t have to be guarded with, who I trust and can count on, who I know are not perfect or expected to know everything, but will give me their best. I like passionately and willingly returning my best to them. I enjoy the freedom of those closest of circles where my mind is not taxed by the weight of playing to any pretense. Those that require pretense, or seek to define relationship lines along such unequal lines I don’t count as friend, so I don’t seek, nor would I trust their advice at face value anyway. I don’t worry about people getting upset when I don’t recognize the value of their blather, especially when they don’t appear value me or what I have to say. I do make exceptions to separate the message from the messenger when such things as authoritarian positions are simply by accidents of culture, but my preference for trusting the valuable nature of criticism is what I described above.

  3. Life is not a popularity contest, but I have found if people don’t like you, you can be isolated and alienated. I think if a person has self confidence and belief in themselves, they wouldn’t care what others think.

  4. This wouldn’t be too surprising if it had been written by one of us Baby Boomers for whom rugged individuality was the most prized personal attribute ever!! I find it interesting coming from a younger woman whose generation appears to place a lesser value on the individual and a larger importance to “the group” consensus and support. Good for you. And yes, you are so right. We will never be able to please everyone!

  5. Criticism can be critical in order to foster self-awareness and growth. Maybe your music choices and decorations sucked and you could’ve done better. If you listen to constructive criticism, your next party could be even better.

    It seems what you’re talking about is being able to learn from criticism if it’s constructive and not take it personally.

    Listen and learn, even if it hurts to hear…

  6. it is simple In life you can’t make everyone happy as long as in your heart you feel that you are doing the right thing :)

  7. I completely agree with what you said: we cannot please everybody, no matter how hard we try. I think that we try especially hard to please the people that we really care about such as our friends and our family. Sometimes we even disregard what feels right for us and instead do what our friends and family want us to do. However, I always remind myself that if someone truly loves and cares about me, then they will accept me for who I am and not for who they want me to be. I love this post because it reminds us to just be ourselves. Life is too short to be something that we are not!

    Thank you for such a great post :)

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