When You Are Too Nice To People, That’s A Recipe For People Taking Advantage Of You

I know all too well on how it feels to be taken advantage of in terms of being too nice to people and always running to the rescue and never complaining about it. It is all too familiar with me when being used. I discovered that I am way too nice to people and I rarely complain about anything, and I am afraid to hound people because I am not that type of person to do so, so I let it go and I don’t bother. I have learned that if you are way too nice to people and if you keep saying yes all the time, its a recipe for people always taking advantage of you and they will keep doing it without realizing that it is wrong to keep going to somebody only when needed. I know that all too well as I have battled problems such as this one to make friends, to get out there and be accepted for who I am. Most of the time people see you in your vulnerable state or they see you are alone and then asks you for a favor. It is a no no. I cannot stand when people use other people and take advantage of someones good nature all the time. I mean yes I understand if its once, or two times, but when it becomes too much, then that is when it gets out of hand. People should know their limits when it comes to real serious things in life. There is a time for everything and a time to get serious on issues like this one about life and among everything else. Don’t let others dictate you and your life and don’t let others walk all over you. When your too nice to others people will find that as your weak point and then they work their way in to convince you to do something for them, lend them money or something. Life is an unfair journey. I want to change that in myself to be firm and to speak out when needed, but I have that weakness to never shout and yell and give people grief. It is very difficult for me to say no and its extremely difficult for me to change my attitude when it comes to certain people, but it doesn’t matter. I treat everyone the same and equally and I have no favorites. This issue is something I am working on and its something that I am trying to focus on, so that I am no longer a person who gets walked all over. Pretty soon I am going to have foot marks all over me because if it. I am just so tired of being used and then tossed aside when not needed anymore. I need to speak up, and I need to focus on getting myself stronger. I have dealt with so many social problems with others not accepting me for who I am in the past. I believe in changing and become the woman who needs to stop people by their tracks and stop users. Find people who will appreciate you and what you have done. It will be the best gift you give to yourself. Stand tall and don’t take CRAP from anyone. I am working it it.

 

17 thoughts on “When You Are Too Nice To People, That’s A Recipe For People Taking Advantage Of You

  1. So true. I am learning that I need to respect myself so that others will also. Healthy boundaries and learning to say no, shows that one is valuable and precious. Keep going in your walk!

  2. I agree that it’s important to set healthy boundaries with people. I’ve learned many lessons from this. I now set my boundaries with people, no matter who they are. Sometimes, it can be tricky to set boundaries with family because you don’t want anyone to be ‘mad’ at you or gossip about you. If you don’t draw a line, people (especially family) will always cross it.

  3. Well said! Once the users learn you are not an easy mark, they will move on to someone else. Most users are too lazy and self-centered to even work hard at mooching off of other people.

  4. Reminds me of a movie called the man who says yes all or never says no LOL I forget the title bt I am sure you have seen it if not maybe you should watch it. It is true what sayin it sort of reminds me sometimes of being nice to people but you should know your limitations and say No to certain things at certain times, it is good to be nice to your close friends cause that is how you show your true friendship, I am sure your close friends know when or what not to ask or expect, it is tough sometimes, but yes you should stand your ground and sometimes explain to show a valid reason. Close friends will ask favors sometimes which is fine as long as they are willing to return the favor when you need it most then you know in time who your friends are…Last word..being nice is not a crime… but know when to say no nicely LOOOL

  5. So what happened this time around? You blogged about “not being too nice to people anymore/people taking advantage of your good nature” fairly recently when some friends ditched you during your Toronto(?) visit, I think. You also promised yourself then that you wouldn’t take crap anymore because of all the same reasons you cite in this blog now (which you also cited then). Are these the same friends or different ones?

  6. I know what you’re talking about. It happens to me at my workplace and people misinterpret my actions, then, if I say ‘no’ they complain… pffft, sometimes, there’s no way to please them.

  7. In my experience, “saying no” & “being nice” are different things. Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t want to help that person, it maybe because that you can’t, or simply have more important things to work on. Many times, a “no” is necessary, and maybe even more helpful than a “yes”.

    But the art of life is how to determine when to give help and when not. I’m kind of person who like to help others too, but soon I realize that if I continue helping all the people around me, I will not be able to complete my main tasks, and messing all the most important things.

    So, first thing when first. I hope this small experience can help you somehow :)

  8. My reaction is two-fold: 1)If you have friends that take advantage of you, you need new friends and 2)saying “no” is just setting limits.

    One of the difficult things I had to get was that saying no isn’t telling someone else “No.” or “I don’t value you.”, it’s telling myself “YES!” and “I value myself.”. And that’s okay. My first job is to take care of myself.

    Also, not matter who they are, it’s unlikely that they will be there for you always and every time. No, they have their life, and they’ll take care of themselves/their family first. Same goes.

    Teacup

  9. I agree. I think it just comes down to speaking your mind without fear of what others will think of you or how they will react. Communication is key and seems to be the missing factor in many disagreements between people.

  10. Hello Everyone- I am going to shoot from the hip, here..No kind and syrupy words or consolations, because that would be returning to the same type of shortcomings we talk about on this subject of,”being too nice.” Whether the response of others is “human nature” or not, the “users” should take a good look at how cruel these actions are. People know I am middle-aged, live by myself, no family per se, etc. And they take full advantage of this. I allow them these advantages, though, so the onus is really on me. I have finally got much more honest about these goings-on. These people fill their fat guts with all they want to do and then leave the crumbs for me. I’m not a fool, but I have been acting like one! Talk about co-dependent! It all boils down to, the trade off: I eat crap rather than be alone or go after the courage to go out and make a better life for me. My greatest prayer/wish is when I say to myself, C’mon, Paul..there’s a whole world out there, Stop selling yourself short with these vultures. God please help me to step out into the sun. In doing it, there may be some pain, some fear and a lot of trial and error, but I’ll have the two things each human being is really searching for down deep inside, past their layers of self-justification: SELF-RESPECT & FREEDOM.

  11. Yes i can relate. I have been taken advantage of so many times, my friends are always saying to me. .. your too nice. id do anything for anyone. but some people just take and take from me and never give. this year is about saying NO more often than yes. still working on it…… :-) marie x

    • Marie- I was doing well for awhile, but slipped back into, “bringing everything to the party,” if you will. Well it’s mid-May and I wrote the original in Dec/2013. I have to be more kind to myself and realize I have to keep trying. Oh,I still want to offer help, support, etc., but it can’t be all the time. Funny how the vultures (I really love people..just using the term) seem different now on the phone or in person. I guess somewhere inside them they know the gig is up! This will only help me and them too. So, how are you doing with, “self-care?”

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